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1.
Tennessee 01:19
2.
There is a coronavirus outside And I am locked inside my house at high tide And there's a boy I really love on the other side of this country It's kind of sad the way this all works out Jamie is coming home just as I head out But maybe COVID-19 will last until the summer and I'll lose my internship and run to you for cover and We'll get one more season in the woods Eating berries, mushrooms, rice cakes from whole foods Just give me 3 more months with you, I swear I'll make it worth it You can get treatment and I'll be a little hermit here with you
3.
When I heard you died I didn't even really cry I just started at my phone I flew down for the funeral and your parents parents picked me up With your little son in the backseat He said "Did you know that my mom died?" I said "Don't you know that she was my mom too?" But it didn't really feel like it Snorting pills since I was a kid And driving me drunk down the highway And calling me names So after I failed to cry They gave me a box full of her clothes and I Opened it up and saw her Birkenstocks inside And I felt nothing Except wondering why I felt nothing It's been a month now and I find I'm getting worse all the time And her CDs in my CD player And I don't know if I should hate her And I thought that I was older now But I'm still starving myself and sleeping around And I don't want to leave this house But if I drop out of school I'll get kicked out And I'm half-tempted to live in my car But my mother did that hippie shit And she is in a jar And summer is rolling in and this July I won't sleep in And wake up in Tennessee with you nodding off right next to me You taught me everything I know about not shaving my armpits or trusting in the government And gave me problems that I can't even verbalize And filled my eyes with stars And made me want to die And summer is rolling in and I wish I could sleep in And wake up in Tennessee With you and my brother next to me
4.
saw you squatting in the leaves picking wild wineberries you offered one to me and as it fell into the space between my teeth it suddenly occurred to me how much i love you i took you up to the mountain where the crucifixes stood but we rode it backwards, saw iron leaving wood then suddenly he is alive and he awakes and is untied falling feet find dark, damp earth you made me feel like jesus in reverse it's cold in the backseat of your brother's car and you are feeding me, jam on your lips is tart but there's something lurking underneath eating holes in my stomach, i am losing sleep you touch me but you're far away one foot out the door while you beg me to stay for now it's time to leave that is what you said to me so i backed into the street as the earth slid from my feet and i miss you in my bed but i'm scared of what is in your head and i want you in every way but i think i will die if i wait for you
5.
Cold tofu 02:14
I guess it's time for me to move on I'm eating cold, salted tofu on the front lawn And breakups never make me binge We weren't even that serious But I loved you so much And I need you so much I don't think that I'm built for love I never fully get back up If I'm being honest, I don't see what the point to life is if I stay unwed, get a good job I do not want a fucking dog I want you And me In a cottage in the woods This world is hard and I can't breathe So tired since I was a teen You're an asshole And I can't live without you And I guess it's time for me to grow up I'm eating bowls of white sugar till I throw up And breakups never make me cry I never fully say goodbye I can take it, But I'm not built to go through life alone.
6.
Freight train, freight train, run so fast Freight train, freight train, run so fast Please don't tell what train I'm on So they won't know what route I've gone There's one more place I'd like to be, One more place I'd like to see To watch them old Blue Ridge Mountains climb As I ride old number 9 Kevin's train runs through Erwin Me and my mom wave to him The whistle blows and then it's gone The freight train and my mom When I die, Lord, send my soul Down to the end of Rock Creek Road So I can hear that CSX And sleep in the forest Yes, when I am dead and in my grave No more good times here I crave Place the stones at my head and feet Tell them all I've gone to sleep.

about

This is an album about loss, yearning, heartache, death, the Volunteer State, and many other nouns related to grief in my personal life.

I wrote most of these songs in the year immediately following the death of my mother as I dealt with people shifting in and out of my life. I wrote this album to cope and to feel, and in that sense it's served its purpose.

credits

released December 27, 2020

Thank you Zach Hayes for mixing the track "Freight Train."

Thank you Ollie Paige Linden for creating wonderful album art.

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Jess and the prolonged existence New Jersey

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